Imagine me writing an episode with Jack Coleman, vampires and a vampire daughter.

I would make sure Jack Coleman's character gets bitten by a vampire while being tied up and then his daughter comes to the rescue and she forces him to drink her blood and while all these things are happening, he manages to get wet somehow. Fap-a-vaganza!

Now let's see what happened on this week's The Vampire Diaries episode:

- Bill Forbes aka Jack Coleman gets tied up to a chair.   Check.
- Bill Forbes gets bitten by a sexy male vampire, twice. And he's tied up to a chair during the first bite.  Check OH GOD YES CHECK.
- Caroline Forbes aka perky blonde vampire daughter comes to the rescue of her daddy, Bill Forbes. TOTALLY CHECK.
- Caroline Forbes forces him to drink her blood so he can heal faster.  CHECK SOOOO HARD.

- AND I fangasm/explode hard enough to destroy the world. Like I have never fangasmed/exploded before. I MEAN IT.

- Okay, he didn't get wet, but I'm sure they're saving this for possible future Jack Coleman episodes.*crosses fingers* Hey, he got sweaty though! HMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPHHH.

- So that makes...4 out of 5? NOT BAD IMO. NOT BAD AT ALL. My panties agree.

- In summary: THE VAMPIRE DIARIES WRITERS, GTFO OF MY HEAD!!!!

And some more thorough analysis of this magical episode:

- Have I told you lately how much I love this gay, vampire-torturing, daughter loving dad?

- Gay!Bondage!Ducttaped!Jack Coleman. Do I even have to tell you how hot this was?

- Damon's "LOL he's gay" kind of jokes OMG. I loved them.  Damon was totally teasing him. He knew Bill would get "excited" by his nomming action. Is this in my head only? I DON'T THINK SO.

- OMG. Mr Coleman looked even hotter than he did in his first episodes. HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? HOW DOES HE DO THAT??? Also: The jacket omg. It was sexy. His whole outfit was sexy.

- And suddenly...NOAIRE HAPPENED. And I came. UNGH. Well, it was there already but this time, it really happened. Let's see, Clairebear's blood saves HRG and Caroline's blood saves Bill. OH YES. That alone is more than enough to make me....you know. Bill wasn't dead yet, but  Caroline bursting in, beating Damon and saving her father is totally Noaire. Plus, he was sucking his daughter's blood and that was ....omg hot. HOT. AAAAAAHHHHH. *facepalm*

- There were some fun quotes in this episode too, not only Bill's but also, Bill-related. Damon had the most awesome quotes. Some of them:

Damon: "So Mayor Lockwood called your gay ex-husband to torture your vampire daughter?"

Ugh talk about dysfunctional relationships. HAWT.


Damon: "So, Bill, I hear you're into the whole daddy-daughter vampire torture thing."

AREN'T WE ALL???? I know I am... *shivers in delight*


Damon: “He threatened to out me. Don’t get me started on the irony of that."

HAH! One "Bill is gay, haha!" joke after another! Damon was full of win in this episode until his ass got kicked by Carolinebear.



Bill: "I know you think I'm the bad guy here, Damon, but I would never expose my own daughter to those morons."

SEE? HE TOTALLY LOVES HER. :D Awwww daddy...



Caroline: "Daddy! Are you ok?"
Bill: "I'm fine."
Caroline: "Here. It'll heal you."
Bill: "I said I'm ok."
Caroline: "Grow up."
dref22: UNF


Caroline: "Daddy. I'm going to be ok."
Bill: "You're a vampire, sweetheart. I don't think you'll ever be ok again."

DDD:

FUUUUU. UGH what an awful jab at poor Caroline. :(  Well, even though it's awful, I must say it's also very true. Caroline will never be okay not just because she is a vampire, but also because she'll always be in danger, she'll always have enemies around, humans and vampires. Daddy knows what he's talking about!

I seriously felt sad about this scene, he was leaving town (no more Jack Coleman for god knows how long! D: D: D:) and there were no huggages and no "I love you"s. D: My heart. Ow. But this also means he'll probably be back to wreak further havoc on the lives of every supernatural creature in Mystic Falls. This guy has trained himself for decades to resist mind compulsion, I'm sure he won't give up that easily. Still, FUUUUU. You can hate vampires all you want, but even Damon said your daughter was an annoying control freak, at least you can be ok with her! D: ARRRRGGGH. Well, can't you at least try to protect her or something???

Ugh, I love this actually. :D

UNF screencaps:





REST OF THE ENTRY AND THE AWESOME SCREENCAPS THIS WAY